1st u/s tomorrow

I will be 6 weeks 3 days. We should be able to see a heartbeat. I am excited, optimistic and very thankful that my husband will be by my side holding my hand.

I definitely feel pregnant now which is a good thing. I feel pretty yucky most of the time and I could sleep forever. My bras no longer fit and the thought of chicken absolutely repulses me. I can't get enough orange juice and I almost broke down in the grocery store today when I couldn't find any clementines. Oh and we went to see Juno today and I cried just about the whole time. I take all of these things as very good signs.

Here's another thing. Yesterday we take a trip to meet Jack, my good friend's new baby. (She, by the way, is doing much better.) I hold Jack for a while and there is no anxiety. Just peacefulness. He is beautiful and you can't not fall in love with him. He is lying in my arms, across my belly, warm with life. And I can feel him connecting with the life inside of me. Our babies will be 8 months apart.

Tomorrow will be a big milestone for us. Last time our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. We never got to see a heartrate above 78. I am trying to put my fear aside and expect only good things tomorrow. But I can't help remembering what the first ultra-sound was like last time. It was traumatic. I wish I could set it aside. But that experience is part of who I am now.

Tomorrow's experience will add a whole new layer to who I am. And I am hopeful for a good, happy layer.