Sunday, February 3, 2008

be careful what you wish for

I know I wished for every pregnancy symptom in the book. Well, I got them. The all day morning sickness is unbearable. Imagine the worse hangover you've ever had. Now imagine it day after day after day with no end in sight.

I've barely gotten out of bed all weekend. My poor husband has been doing everything for me -- laundry, groceries, even opening the refridgerator for me (I can't do it without holding my breath and turning my head away.) But now he is gone for four days and I'm wondering how on earth I am going to take care of myself, never mind go to work tomorrow.

The worse part is that I feel so guilty not loving this. I know I am blessed to be pregnant again. I still thank God every single day. But here's my confession. I don't like feeling like this. In fact I hate it. I despise it. I can't believe that this torture could go on for weeks. At least with a hangover you know it's just a one-day deal. I feel trapped in a black hole of nausea.

Still, though, I wouldn't trade it away. I keep thinking about that little heart beating inside of me. Reminding myself that I am growing a person. And I know this horrible sickness is a sign that this baby is healthy. No, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

1 comment:

K-tell said...

I just wanted to tell you how much your blog helped me yesterday. I saw you had a link to your blog on the nest and spent some time reading back through your old posts. I'm going through a really hard time right now with a m/c and reading about your progress is really encouraging. Thank you for sharing such honest thoughts. You truly have been a blessing to me:)