why i really want this baby

So I'm sitting here watching Oprah (as I do every day) and the topic being discussed is "The Secret" and the laws of attraction. Ask the universe for what you want and you shall receive.

But there are two ways of asking. You can ask from your "shallow existence" or you can ask from your "core of peace". Your shallow existence comes from your fear and neediness. And brings you nothing but more fear. Needing something is not going to bring it to you.

As I'm hearing this, something inside me clicks. Has my request for this baby been coming out of my shallows? Have I been wanting it so badly just because I am too terrified to lose another one? Have I been praying to God out of fear?

This isn't the way I want to ask.

Asking from my core of peace takes a lot more strength and a lot more thought. Why do I really want this baby? It's not really because I need it. And it's not really because I am scared of the alternative. There is something so much bigger to my desire.

What I really want is opportunity. I want the opportunity to teach life to another. I have been a teacher all my life. Officially it's been 10 years. But even before that, I taught swimming lessons. And before that, I babysat. And before that, I played in my room for hours alone teaching my dolls how to read. Teaching is something I've always done. I've been training for this ultimate job all my life. And I am ready.

I want the opportunity to do it for real and to do it forever with my own child. I want to teach generosity. I want to teach fun. I want to teach passion. I want to teach kindness. I want to teach determination. I want to teach honesty. I want to teach compassion. I want to teach love.

I want to teach life.

So universe, there it is. My official request for a healthy sticky baby. I am putting the fear aside and trusting now that it will come.