I just read a comment from a woman that said that worrying about a miscarriage is a self-fulfilling prophecy. This would imply that I caused my miscarriage by worrying about it to begin with. Yes, I admit it, I did worry. But who the hell wouldn't worry? I was carrying the most precious gift I had ever been given. I have spent the last 10 days trying to convince myself that there was nothing I could have done differently to have saved my baby. And now in 20 seconds all that convincing has come undone.
My doctor explained it like this. Out of the millions of sperm that could have reached my egg, the one that got there fastest just was not a good match. BAD LUCK and nothing more. I would like to find that girl and kick her!
Ok, ok, I don't really mean that. I don't want to kick her. She's probably a very nice person who meant no harm by her comment. It's the world I want to kick. Or God. Or the sperm who was the bad match to my egg. Or something. I wish more than anything I could rewind a week or two and be that innocent again. But I'm not. I've passed into "experienced," remember?
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i am enjoying your blog, and I hope you don;t mind that I linked it. I felt the exact same way about the self-fulfilling profecy (in my early days after the miscarriage) and reading these stories makes me feel like I was completely normal after all! Good luck with the new baby and I look forward to many MANY positive updates. It gives me hope for the future that I am planning!
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