I receive an insult this morning. Slap in the face. Kick in the stomach. A claim that this blog is a cry for sympathy, a plea for validation. I am stung. I want to shut down. Screw this blog, I'll just go back to scribbling away in my journal and keep it hidden in my closet. But then I stop and I ask myself this: Why am I writing this blog? What is my purpose here?
This blog started simply as an outlet. Writing is like breathing for me. It is how I process life -- it's my way of taking it all in and blowing it all out. I've never shared my writing before, though, so this part is new for me. I'm nervous, vulnerable. But for once, saying it is not enough. I need to be heard.
And then somebody hears me. She stumbles upon my blog a few days after losing her own baby. She hears her own voice in my story. She is experiencing the loneliest kind of lonely. I know this because I was just there. The person LIVING inside of her has just died. And even her own husband, as much as he tries, can't understand what this feels like.
But I can. And suddenly she is not alone. And neither am I. That's what this is all about.
So am I asking for validation? Yes, I am. Am I looking for sympathy? Yes. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Sympathy is not pity. Sympathy does not belittle; it comforts. And it validates. Hallmark has made a fortune on sympathy. It is a natural human reaction. And a natural human need as well.
And if you have not lost a baby? Why should you read this? Well, maybe you shouldn't. You are welcome to close out whenever you wish. I will never even know the difference.
But if you choose to stay, perhaps my story can give a voice to your friend or your sister or your acquaintance who cannot explain it all herself. If you can't validate my experience, maybe you can validate hers. Maybe you can tell her, "I'm so sorry" instead of "don't worry, I'm sure you'll get pregnant again." She already knows she will get pregnant again. That isn't the point.
If my story can offer validation to somebody else; if it can give or inspire sympathy; if it can somehow soften this experience for just one other woman, then this blog has purpose.
And my baby's existence did not go in vain.
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5 comments:
***standing ovation*** well said. =) I can't believe i even have to say this but your blog is well received and appreciated by many!! duh!
I have never been pregnant, so you can imagine that I cannot fully understand the extent of your pain. But I read your blog because I find your strength SO inspiring. Sometimes it helps me put things into perspective. When I've had a stressful day at school or I'm feeling overwhelmed with homework, your blog can bring me back to reality. That's why I read it.
Please continue to write, your writing is excellent and I enjoy reading it. :)
What a great blog entry. It's so funny, I feel like I monitor what I write because I wonder what people will think, and there you go...just saying how you feel. Very motivating.
*** standing up to applaud ***
:::APPLAUDING:::
Yes, I am that somebody...a month (EXACTLY) later I am touched and comforted. I am not the best at speaking my feelings, let alone writing them. Thank you for your gift. :)
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