1. I am happy for my friend
2. I've been in the same pajamas for 3 days now and it's time to get dressed
3. I was excited to host a party at my new house and why should I be robbed of that when I have already been robbed of so much
4. My friend had her own personal struggle with getting pregnant. I won't go into details because this is my blog, not hers. Her story is different than mine but the same theme. She wanted a baby and didn't have one. This is her happy ending (beginning!) and it gives me great hope for my own. (This photo was taken a few years back before I even met my husband -- when she and I both had big dreams to look forward to. We've both had great joy in our lives since then which also brings me great hope. A lot can change in a few years)5. If I can get through this, I can get through anything
Now if I were the same amount pregnant as her, would I be able to do it? If my belly was supposed to be her size right now and this was supposed to be the month of my own shower, would I be strong enough to handle it? I doubt it. I can't even seem to pick up the phone and call my other friend who was a few weeks ahead of me. So it's not that I am in denial about my loss or that I have some kind of super-power strength. I'm just as vulnerable and heartbroken as anyone else who's gone through this.
It's just that I started planning this shower before I even knew I was pregnant myself. And although I was so excited for us to be pregnant together, we were never really in the same stage so we WEREN'T going through it together. She was always first and I was ok with that. This part hasn't changed at all. She's just going first and I will get my turn someday too. Thank goodness for small miracles.
Ask me in May if I want to host a shower and I can almost guarantee you my answer will be no.
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