Yes, it's my due date, and no, the baby is not here yet. It might be my due date, but I guess the baby has other plans. This is not easy for me. June 17 (my first due date) came and went without a baby and I kept telling myself that by September 19 I would be holding my sweet baby in my arms. I've stared at that date on the calendar for a long time. And now September 19 might just come and go too. Of course I know my baby is coming and he/she is coming soon. I realize that rationally. But emotionally, I feel like a 6-year-old on Christmas morning waking up to a giftless tree still waiting for Santa to arrive. (Yes, I know I grew up Jewish but we can all imagine what that would feel like.)
I realize my thought process and emotions are completely childish. I know how lucky I am. I know I have so much to be thankful for and excited for. And I am. But I'm being totally honest here and I'm telling you like it is. I want my baby OUT!!!!!
It doesn't help that my friends and family are calling and emailing by the dozens to ask if I'm still pregnant. I know they all mean well but do you really think my mother is going to somehow miss the big announcement?!?!?! Um, last time I checked, yes, still pregnant. Pregnant enough that some man last night walked by me, looked at my belly and just said, "WOW!" I am past the point of cute pregnant girl. I am obnoxiously huge, stop-and-stare pregnant girl. It really isn't that fun anymore.
Nobody tells you in the beginning that the AVERAGE for first time moms is 41 1/2 weeks. And nobody seems to accept that either (and certainly not my mother!) They think of your due date as your cut-off -- that if the baby isn't here by that date, there is something seriously wrong with you. I should have told people I was due in the beginning of October instead. I should have told myself that too. I've had to actually switch my daily walking route to avoid a well-meaning neighbor who comes outside every day just to say to me, "You're still here?!?!?!"
Ultimately my baby gets to choose the due date. And I do sort of like the idea that it gets to choose its very own birthday. No matter what I do (and trust me, I have tried EVERYTHING) this baby is going to come on its own time. And my job is to sit back, trust mother nature, have confidence in my body and accept that my child is neither habitually early like its father or always right on time like its mother.
I guess someone in the family has to be late.
6 comments:
oh man do i understand your pain :o( my EDD (7/7) came and went with no bubba. then i was scheduled to be induced on 7/9 and got sent home from the hospital b/c they were too busy. so yeah, your little one will arrive when s/he is absolutely ready ~ and it will be the most wonderful day EVER!!
happy labor thoughts coming your way!!
nestie: ourlittlebean
I am sorry you don't have your baby in your arms yet. My family actually makes fun of me becuase I tell them me EDD is 1-1-09 but don't exspect baby till after the 6th! I don't know why but I figure this baby will be late. I hope you go into labor soon (maybe by the end of today?) and have a safe labor.
Good luck with the birth! Looking forward to hearing about your beautiful baby and seeing some pictures,
Lurker-turned-commenter,
Mrs F
I'm a lurker and have been for the past few months. I found your story on thebump.com and became intrigued with your story. I checked back today to see if you had your baby yet and just wanted to tell you that people you don't even know have you in their thoughts and prayers. It's so strange to be so extrordinarily happy for someone I don't know and haven't met but please know that I admire your strength and courage. God bless you, your husband and your baby.
Hi there, I stumbled across your blog this morning - it was featured on google reader. I had two miscarriages in between my two amazing daughters so can relate to the heartache, and the mingled joy/fear of pregnancy after a loss. I'm just shy of 9 wks pregnant with our third child now (although that isn't going to be announced on my blog until after our ultrasound this wed) and still very nervous. I hope all goes wonderfully well with your delivery - it is AMAZING to meet your baby, especially when you've had to work hard to get to this point. Good luck!
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