who's next?

So I am keeping dibs on my co-workers. I teach elementary school. I work with 40 women. Somebody is always pregnant. Last year there were two. One had beautiful twin girls, and the other, a healthy baby boy. So who's next? It's a game many of the older women like to play. This year I seem to be playing along in my head. I dread the day it actually happens.

Megan is a year older than me and got married two years before me. Up until a year or so ago she wasn't even sure she would have children. But she seems to be swaying more toward the yes side lately. She tells me the other day that she just booked a trip to Utah for February vacation. A ski trip. So she's out. Who would plan a ski trip if they were planning on becoming pregnant? Phew.

Then there's Rikki. She is 28 and her wedding was the week after mine. She and her husband just bought a house in the town next to mine. This is her first year teaching at my school. The other day we share a commute together and I confide in her about my miscarriage. She seems surprised I got pregnant so soon after my wedding. She tells me she's nowhere near ready. I smile to myself. Two down.

Next is Karen. She's been married for two years and is almost 10 years older than me. If Karen is next, I will jump for joy and cry happy happy tears. Karen was pregnant last spring and was put on bed rest due to some clotting. We all prayed for her. She lost her baby at 14 weeks. She sent me a card in the mail after I lost mine. I still pray for Karen every day.

And then there is Chelsea. Her wedding was also this past summer. She got engaged the month before me and married the month after me. We shared our wedding-planning experiences together. Our staff threw us a double bridal shower last spring. We've been riding along in the same boat.

Yesterday she tacks her Christmas card up on the bulletin board in the Teacher's Room. I think of my pregnancy-announcing Christmas card that I had been so excited to tack up there. So cheesy. I think of that whole stupid box I had to throw in the trash.

Hers is a collage of photos from her honeymoon. She and her husband with big carefree smiles. Happy newlyweds. I love her card.

Chelsea is not pregnant either but I suddenly find myself insanely jealous. Did I miss something? Have I forgotten? I had a honeymoon!! I had carefree smile-big moments with my husband too. Why aren't they up there on the bulletin board right next to hers? Why did I jump right over it? What was I rushing for? Why did I get pregnant so soon? And what other newlywed bliss have I missed out on because of it?

I should be looking back at 2007 as the best year of my life. It was the year of my perfect wedding day and my incredible trip to Switzerland, the year I married my best friend! Why did 2007 become labeled as the year I lost my baby? Why did I put such a mark on it? How do I get carefree back? I want carefree!

Well it's too late for Christmas cards now but here is my too-late-but-let's-pretend-I-made-one-anyway. Happy Holidays everyone!!