Naturally, I defend myself as best I can and then walk away from the situation. It's not until a few hours later that I have my mirror moment. I take a good long hard look at myself and for the first time, I really question myself.
What if I'm not a good mother????
What if I can't provide enough milk?
What if I can't soothe him/her?
What if I don't know what to do?
What if I do the wrong thing?
My husband can't understand my tears. I've been pretty confident about motherhood throughout my pregnancy and throughout my whole life really. I am a nurturer by nature. I've been teaching young children for 10 years. I have a degree in child development. I've been waiting my whole life to be a mother.
As it turns out, though, none of that matters. I'm petrified.
Since the moment I discovered this baby inside of me, I've tried to give it everything. I've stayed away from caffeine, alcohol, deli meat and even my poor old grandmother's cooking (as well-intending as she is I did once find a band-aid in her fruit salad.) I've walked and swam consistently and gone to my pre-natal yoga class every week. I've eaten my fruits and vegetables. I've rested, put my feet up and taken all stress out of my life. I've read a million books, researched all the best products, and taken a class on infant care and CPR.
I've chosen a partner in life who is gentle and kind and who loves his child more than I've ever seen a man love anything.
I don't have the answers to the questions above. And no, I don't really know what it takes to be a good mother. As much as I've tried to prepare myself, I'm still going into this whole thing as blind as everyone else.
But here's what I do know. I love my baby.
And I didn't have to read anything or take judgement from anyone to learn how to do that.
6 comments:
Wow. People can just be horrible sometimes. (And idiots too!) I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that today. You will be a great mom!
Wow, what a terrible thing to say. Misery loves company.. actually I just want to call her a Biotch.
You are going to be an amazing mommy, all the love that you have for your baby already will show you the way =)
wow. the nerve. who in their right mind would say that?
may i ask where you were when this person said that?
regardless, you have no clue what the future will bring but i have no doubt you will handle everything as best as you possibly can! based on what i've seen so far here, you are mother of the year already!
People can be cruel-I have no idea why. Do not listen! You will be a GREAT MOM! You love your child and his/her dad-that's all that matters. You will have many trying moments BUT you will come thru with flying colors, I have no doubt about that.We all learn as we go. Your child is blessed. Hang in there!
Yikes, I can't believe someone would say that to anyone! You are going to be a great mom!
P.S. I "know" you from The Nest and I remember when you had your m/c. I recently found your blog again and I was thrilled to see you're pregnant again! I just wanted to say congratulations and thanks for sharing your story. :)
(Buttercup16)
WOW awesome pregnancy! Congrats on your healthy baby!
BTW your husband is a lucky man! you look hot even pregnant!
Self introspection is sometimes the best tool for being the best person you can be.
The fact that you still listened to a comment from someone who is bitter and angry; shows what a caring and concerned person you are.
Don't worry about facing your inner fears. This is the way you conquer them. You will be a great mother becaus you care about what you think and do.
Thanks for sharing your great story, and congradulations on being the great mother you are and will continue to be in the future.
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