so tempted

23 weeks

I am tempted to cheat on my husband the other day. It happens at the dermatologist's office of all places. I am sitting up there on the table waiting for my doctor to come in for my annual mole check (what fun) when the computer screen to my left catches my eye. My name is in bold dancing across the top of the screen. It is then that I realize that what follows is not just my dermatology records -- it is all of my medical records. Including my OB records. Including my 18-week ultrasound results. Including the sex of my baby, still unknown to me. One click away.

I want desperately to hop off the table and get my hands on that mouse. One click away. But what if my doctor walks in? I know she'll be here any minute. The thought of getting caught tampering with her computer (in a johnny none-the-less) makes me feel like a criminal. So I give up on my fantasy and sit on my hands and wait. One click away.

My doctor walks in and asks me how the pregnancy's going and tells me I look great. We all know what question follows that. Do you know what you're having?

And I give her the answer I give everyone. No, my husband won't let me find out. Ha ha.

But instead of the usual responses that come next -- Oh, surprises are so fun! or Wow, you must have some real willpower! -- my doctor simply says:

Well I can tell you right now. Your husband will never know. It'll be our little secret.

I feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. Oh my gosh! I could find out today!! Right now!!! I am overcome by giddiness. The temptation is insane. I want to scream.

I take a deep breath, throw my head back and bite my lip. My doctor is standing there smiling wide at me, ready and willing, actually begging to be my partner in crime.

But...I can't do it. I let out a long sigh and tell her I just can't. I can't do this to my husband. We made an agreement. A promise. A vow. And any vow with my husband, no matter how big or small, is just as scared as our "I do's". I can't betray his trust in me. What kind of wife would I be?

And anyway do I really want the person I share this life-changing exhilarating moment with to be the lady who prescribes my zit cream???

I make it through this moment of sheer desire and temptation without my impulsivity getting the best of me. I come out clean. In the 3 years I've known my husband, this is the closest I've ever come to cheating. I think this is proof enough that I never will. I must say I am pretty proud of myself.

But still, it's a good thing I don't have another appointment with my dermatologist until after the baby is born.