i think i'm still in here

So I survive the baby shower. Thank goodness for wine! It is my first glass in over 2 months and I definitely refill it more than once. I have a brief freak-out when the beautiful bassinet arrives at my door. And I have to leave the room when she's opening the gifts. It's a good thing my kitchen needs straightening up.

Overall the experience is bittersweet and I will always look back at this picture and smile at the strength in it. I love seeing her happy and I love that I am able to give joy to someone I love (and not have to take it away afterwards either.)

Mostly I love that even in sorrow -- even with a broken heart -- generosity can prevail. I've been robbed. My baby -- along with the joy and dreams that she brings -- is gone. But what remains is my SELF. And maybe, possibly, it's even bigger than before.